Oh Brother

Tuesday eh? strange day of the week. there are never expectations for a tuesday. at this time next week, i will have started class! can i just say that i am not even the slightest bit excited to start school again. i am pretty stoked about going back and allowing God to use me this semester but not excited for my classes. i have a handful of university study classes (the stupid mandatory credits you have to fill) to take so i am taking chemistry and physics and all this nasty stuff. may i remind you that i am a communication studies major. WHAT AM I GOING TO USE CHEMISTRY FOR?? if i go into human resources, and hire people for companies...do you think im going to be talking about the periodic table? highly doubt it! but there is nothing i can do but deal, so i guess i will sit back and enjoy chemisty and steal my roomies notes...muhaha. good plan.

this is my fourth semester of college! hold up, wait a minute....yeah fourth! im already close to half way done =) my possible plan for next year was to not go back to school. school and amy do not mix so well at all. im a busy body that likes a lot of adventure and new experiences. i was considering YWAM or just moving to a different state and starting fresh, maybe getting a nanny job in colorado like my friend hillary (you lucky woman you). I feel stuck in winona, trapped almost. my heart is passionate for the cities and always has been. I've felt a constant tugging to be in the twin cities for quite some time. idk why either. God just impressed it upon my heart. soo yes, starting over somewhere completely random and saying goodbye to school was the plan.

until NOW. new plan.

After hearing about the death of a high school classmate only two days ago (you'll be missed Mike Hoeft) who died instantly in a car accident, i was reminded how life can be gone in seconds. pure beautiful life that has so much promise, hope, and plans-vanishes in a tragedy. it was a lot to take in and i wasn't even good friends with the kid, barely knew him. for me, this news was a mini wake up call saying "amy...what are you waiting for...why do you sit around and wait for opportunities to fall into your lap...why do you wait for people...why do you wait for love...why do you wait to make life changing decisions...why are sitting on this couch simply THINKING about transfering...why are you only THINKING about getting involved in a city ministry...why are you only THINKING about starting your own ministy???? why aren't you conquering the world??" i wanted to seriously punch myself in the head. ever since i've been at winona, i've been complaining and wanting to get out and do big things for God's kingdom. but have i done anything? no. i haven't even taken the step of applying at another college. all i did was think about it and talk about it. no action.

i feel as though many christians struggle with taking action. i could be wrong, its just my opinion. we feel God touching our hearts and whispering in our ears and pushing us one way but we shy away and kind of stand still. we become almost lukewarm and content with our situation. we are afraid to let God use us in awesome ways. for me, its like i stay in this inbetween place where i am devoted to God and love Him and believe in him and TRY to live for Him but i won't allow myself to take HUGE steps and go into places i don't know and trust that He will lead me to greatness. is this really true devotion then? have i really handed over my life to God? well its time for action.

NEW plan.

rather than just dropping out and trying something random next year, i will continue silly schooling. that decision was based off the fact that our economy is like the saddest excuse for an economy right now and jobs will start disapperaing like crazy and im going to need a four year degree to fall back on for a sweet career. HOWEVER, rather than continuing my education at winona, i really want to pursue an education somewhere in the cities. God has been calling me there for sometime now and I've been avoiding it because it involves a brand new school with no one i know and new friends and well new everything. but im ready....i think. so instead of just THINKING about doing this, i am doing it. im taking action. im in the process of filling out applications to both Bethel University and the U of M. I really want to go to Bethel for numerous reasons (hellooooo-christian campus, amazing opportunites for mission work and studying abroad with fellow crhistians....AMAZING!) but money is a huge issue with that school. If God wants me there though, it will work out. and i would love to be living in the roseville/st. paul area for Bethel because it would allow me to get involved in some awesome ministries/churches in the cities. I've heard great things about the Rock in minneapolis =)

no words can express how terrified i am, like i could pee my pants! but i also feel as though God will use me in amazing ways and my tiny brain can't imagine what he has in store for me there. ahhhhhhhhhh, i just got all excited in my stomach and i want to run around in circles!! im seriously so ready for this. and honestly people, if you are passionate about something and you can't stop thinking about it and your heart feels like it belongs to something other than where you are....THAT IS NOT JUST YOUR BRAIN OR EMOTIONS TOYING WITH YOU. guys, that is God speaking to you. drop what you are doing and stop being afraid to really follow him. what could go wrong if you decided today to just stop the routine life you live that is so blaaa (you know it is...you haven't felt passion in sometime...) and really take action in His kingdom? im pretty sure he will open your life up to great opportunities. pretty sure =) so yay to a new plan-that has promise and hope.

this means only ONE semester left at winonnnaaaaaa!! *tear* i can't talk about that in this post, i'll cry! haha. save that for later!!

anyways, tomorrow marks the anniversary of my Big Bro's death. I never met the kid, i have not a clue what he would have been like, but i wish i would have gotten that chance. Unfortunately, he died as a baby. then my parents had jana, jill, then me. so he would have been the oldest. his 27th birthday is tomorrow. i don't think my sisters ever think about him, which isn't wrong, why would they think about him? im sure my mom and dad do, considering it was their only son. for some reason, i think about matthew a lot. i've been praying to God about it, trying to figure out why the heck matthew has been on my mind and heart so much. one night, God revealed himself to me and was like "well talk to him, he is your brother, he wants to protect you". im sure you people think i am crazzzzzzzy! i think its weird too. but i feel like matthew is the missing link in my family. both my older sisters are more shy and just to themselves. then there is me, frickin loud mouth, who has an opinion for absolutely everything, loves getting the last word, and pretty much socializes with anything human, and wants to be surrounded by people and fun and laughter all the time! maybe i made this up in my head, but i feel like matthew would have been just like me =) oh brother! my parents would have loved that! haha. another opinionated kid! who is strong in his beliefs, thinks his own way, and just loves people and sharing his ideas. i feel like we would have been really close, and he could have helped me with so much-especially stuff that im going through now. i would have loved to have an older brother, what a joy that would have been! but God decided that matthew needed to go home 27 years ago, so when i talk to God at night, i feel as though I am talking to both of them. side by side. my two protectors. My dad isn't so great at that, so I've got two others to turn to, and im okay with that. so matthew, im sending up kisses to heaven! anticpating the day i get to meet you.

i leave in two days to go back to winona!!! ahh! i am going to an intervarsity conference for the weekend (oh my, so stoked! God is going to rock my life!) then school on monday. yikes.

song of the day "just you and me" by MYSELF (lyrics) and instrumental by haylee fosterling. I wrote a song about a month ago just to express my feelings about a past break-up. The lyrics paint a picture of how i always put him first and turned to him for everything instead of God and how its now just God and me. it seems bitter almost, that im not enjoying life with just God...and to be honest, i wasn't too thrilled in the beginning. but now i love that its God and me, we make a pretty good team =) haha. my bestie haylee is probably the best piano player ever and she made music for the lyrics. check it out on facebook! im tagged in it even though im not literally in it. so just check out the video on my fb! thanks!

Peace