Two Nostril Holes, Not Three

does it seem like it has been awhile? i definitely do feel like its been forever. thats just because i am actually not blogging everyday like last week when work was killing me. i am definitely more adjusted and enjoying the slow pace life here in ghetto hy-vee. ive gotten to know the people in the pharmacy and i have gotten to know the staff that works in the actual grocery store. its kind of fun having all these different "families"/teams within one building. the "beep...beep...beeeeep" of the cash registers have become a soothing melody. i pretty much rock at grocery shopping now because i know where EVERYTHING is. lane 4 makes me angry..."catsup" is one of the items listed on the sign above the lane and it just gets me because we all know that is is spelt catsup but seriously who actually spells it that way...its "ketchup". heck yes. im about to stay super late one night and hide back here in the bank and then pop out when no one is around and set up a ladder. then change the letters. ha! i care too much, thats just my OCD getting the best of me. also, there is definitely a smell here. not bad or good. but i just associate a lot of things with smell and sound. hence my attention towards the "beep...beep" and the weird grocery store smell. it helps me lock this time of my life into my memory. my memory sucks! wow, ask anyone. i dont even remember who i had lunch with yesterday.

so yes everyone, the news is true. i no longer am the weird girl with three nose holes. people pointed and laughed. i was mocked for being different. it held me back from great opportunities and true happiness.

naaaaa, just kidding!!! i do have the normal two nose holes like everyone else now. but it wasn't a deformity or anything...just pulling your leg =) i got my nose pierced back in may 2007 right before graduation. i remember that day soo well. i wanted to be a rebel and get my nose pierced(at my private lutheran high school you couldn't have any facial piercings...not allowed! apparently they are of satan or something...i dont know). so we had our last day of high school...(ran the halls and threw water balloons...haha) and then we graduated in three days. so i technically waited until i wasnt in school, but didnt care so much what they thought on graduation day ya know? Principle Gibson denies me my diploma up on stage infront of 400 people due to the new jewelery on my nose??? highly doubt it. i was so close to not doing it because i had gotten my belly botton pierced 2 years previously and that hurt like a mother!! and caused me many problems. i dont have that one anymore. kinda miss it. but yeah, my friend dragged me in there and made me do it because he knew how much i wanted it done! i did it and didnt feel a thing =) i have loved that piercing more than any of my others and i loved having a hoop in for a few months. wow did i feel hardcore lol. this last saturday night i must have been sleeping like an idiot with my face smashed into my pillow or something...i woke up after a glorious 10 hours of rest, got up, and slowly made my way to the bathroom. being all groggy i didnt even realize anything. then i started to wash my face and usually its just by habit that i am more gentle to the left side of my face (to protect my precious lil gem of beauty). I FELT NOTHING. there was no usual nub that got in the way of washing my pores clean! for a brief moment i panicked. flashbacks of all the work i put into that frickin thing! it was like my baby. i nursed it to health for the first 6 months at its new home on my nose. everytime i changed it, i went in and had a professional do it. so i become pals with the people at Tats (in stillwater, the best place ive been to, highly recommended!) and even some in the winona tattoo shop. i have purchased like 10 different studs/hoops that are piled in a drawer in my room. so much work for this lil fella. now gone. i rushed to my bed and searched for the stud. and of course, my luck...the one i had in was clear because of being at work earlier that day. so i just looked really lame feeling my bed all around for a tiny spec. throwing the pillows everywhere, searching...searching! VICTORY, i found it!!! i ran to a mirror and i saw the hole and attempted to put the stud back in. blsated thing closed up on me already!! i probably could have pushed it through and made it bleed BUT it was early and i was in no mood. i shrugged my shoulders and dropped the stud in the garbage and moved on...excited to see what life would be like with a naked nose! ;)

haaaaaaaaaaa...what a dramatic tale for the loss of a nose ring. and let me tell you, ive enjoyed the last 4 days or whatever without it. maybe ill be taken a lil more seriously? i think nose piercings can be quite classy but the older generation says "its a bunch of metal in your face, trying to look cool"...that being quoted from many many of my older men customers who have reached their 80's and can not comprehend why us kids have metal in our faces. ha, it cracks me up. if i decide to be cool and not go back to school next year and travel to africa with hillary, im totally getting my eyebrow pierced. some friends have objections to that....come on guys

as i stand here munchin on some delicious peanut m&m's, dipped in pink, red, and white colors for the upcoming holiday....im in a lil bit of awe. how does that even make sense..."lil bit of awe". awe seems to be a word that people use to desribe something that shocked them so much they were speechless. something so magnificent that the person stands still and tries to stop time to take in what just happened or what has been revealed to them. how can awe be lil? haha. i guess i say "lil bit of awe" because everytime i get to know God a little deeper, im in awe. one little verse with HUGE meaning and truth stuffed inside of it. we have huge moments where God opens a door for us and we see Him so clearly, and we want to hit ourselves for ever doubting Him. those moments you want to fall to your knees and cry to Him and just repeat "you are awesome, you are holy, you are soo gracious, you are beautiful, you are perfect...Father you are good, you are Love...ect" those are the big moments of awe when God's glory is just too much to even take in.

my lil bits of awe happen like today, when im at work. my day so far has been crap ontop of crap. i skipped class this morning because i woke up feeling as if my heart didn't want to wake up. it was one of those days where my heart didn't want to feel...happiness or sadness. it just wanted to be numb. that has got to be the worst feeling in the whole world, numbness. it almost makes your stomach feel sick because you want to feel something...anything. some personal stuff has gotten stirred up again in my life, and i know that is why my heart retreated to numbness, because ive felt the pain before from this situation and i know how awful it can be. In seeking God, to know Him more, ive also been hoping He would reveal an answer to me for this dark area in my life. But i dont think God is really an "answers" kinda guy. i dont think He is easy. i dont think He is like grandma who gave you cookies and presents when you wanted it. He is like the tough love kinda dad who loves you but wants you to figure it out on your own (He is there watching, and hoping, and guiding...but allows you to take your own path. get it? i dont want you to think that im saying you should try to conquer things without Gods help, thats dumb). and if you make a mistake along the way, He'll be there to give you a hug and let you sit on his lap (my favorite image of being with God...cant wait for the day i get to do this!!!) and if you get through the journey and reach the end, He'll have rewards and love and encouragement waiting. i like that God, no no nooo...i LOVE that God. the one and only God gives us tough love?? what a guy. unfortunately in our hard times, we can fall into our human flesh and lose faith in God. Romans 3 reminded me today that even we lose faith, God doesn't lose faith in us.

Romans 3:3-4 "What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all! Let God be true, and every man a liar. As it is written: "So that you may be proved right when you speak and prevail when you judge." i just love that!!! no matter how stupid i am, and how much i lose faith in God, and how many times i walk away from Him, it doesn't even hinder how faithful He is. this verse just once again proves that it is never about us...instead ALWAYS about Him. i also just love Paul's passion in saying "not at all!" i dont know why, but i feel like i could just see him screaming that, expressing God's incredible faithfulness to all of us...everyone...who believe and dont believe. no matter where you are, God is faithful and doesn't give up. and let us praise and worship Him for that...wow how great is our God.

He is faithful!!!! allllll the time! i kind of want to change my "religious views" on facebook from "God is good, allll the time" to "God is faithful, all the time". rock on, maybe i will.

well this is long enough and im done with work in a hour so i can be done. ive got to make a grocery list so i can go shopping after work! im gettin some deli turkey for sure. ive been craving a good sandwich. and flavored water....definitely!

song of the day-"the real" by nevertheless....or "time" by nevertheless, ooorrrrr "sleeping in" by nevertheless. pretty much my favorite band right now! they are going to be at sonshine this summer! =)

Peace