does it seem like it has been awhile? i definitely do feel like its been forever. thats just because i am actually not blogging everyday like last week when work was killing me. i am definitely more adjusted and enjoying the slow pace life here in ghetto hy-vee. ive gotten to know the people in the pharmacy and i have gotten to know the staff that works in the actual grocery store. its kind of fun having all these different "families"/teams within one building. the "beep...beep...beeeeep" of the cash registers have become a soothing melody. i pretty much rock at grocery shopping now because i know where EVERYTHING is. lane 4 makes me angry..."catsup" is one of the items listed on the sign above the lane and it just gets me because we all know that is is spelt catsup but seriously who actually spells it that way...its "ketchup". heck yes. im about to stay super late one night and hide back here in the bank and then pop out when no one is around and set up a ladder. then change the letters. ha! i care too much, thats just my OCD getting the best of me. also, there is definitely a smell here. not bad or good. but i just associate a lot of things with smell and sound. hence my attention towards the "beep...beep" and the weird grocery store smell. it helps me lock this time of my life into my memory. my memory sucks! wow, ask anyone. i dont even remember who i had lunch with yesterday.
so yes everyone, the news is true. i no longer am the weird girl with three nose holes. people pointed and laughed. i was mocked for being different. it held me back from great opportunities and true happiness.
naaaaa, just kidding!!! i do have the normal two nose holes like everyone else now. but it wasn't a deformity or anything...just pulling your leg =) i got my nose pierced back in may 2007 right before graduation. i remember that day soo well. i wanted to be a rebel and get my nose pierced(at my private lutheran high school you couldn't have any facial piercings...not allowed! apparently they are of satan or something...i dont know). so we had our last day of high school...(ran the halls and threw water balloons...haha) and then we graduated in three days. so i technically waited until i wasnt in school, but didnt care so much what they thought on graduation day ya know? Principle Gibson denies me my diploma up on stage infront of 400 people due to the new jewelery on my nose??? highly doubt it. i was so close to not doing it because i had gotten my belly botton pierced 2 years previously and that hurt like a mother!! and caused me many problems. i dont have that one anymore. kinda miss it. but yeah, my friend dragged me in there and made me do it because he knew how much i wanted it done! i did it and didnt feel a thing =) i have loved that piercing more than any of my others and i loved having a hoop in for a few months. wow did i feel hardcore lol. this last saturday night i must have been sleeping like an idiot with my face smashed into my pillow or something...i woke up after a glorious 10 hours of rest, got up, and slowly made my way to the bathroom. being all groggy i didnt even realize anything. then i started to wash my face and usually its just by habit that i am more gentle to the left side of my face (to protect my precious lil gem of beauty). I FELT NOTHING. there was no usual nub that got in the way of washing my pores clean! for a brief moment i panicked. flashbacks of all the work i put into that frickin thing! it was like my baby. i nursed it to health for the first 6 months at its new home on my nose. everytime i changed it, i went in and had a professional do it. so i become pals with the people at Tats (in stillwater, the best place ive been to, highly recommended!) and even some in the winona tattoo shop. i have purchased like 10 different studs/hoops that are piled in a drawer in my room. so much work for this lil fella. now gone. i rushed to my bed and searched for the stud. and of course, my luck...the one i had in was clear because of being at work earlier that day. so i just looked really lame feeling my bed all around for a tiny spec. throwing the pillows everywhere, searching...searching! VICTORY, i found it!!! i ran to a mirror and i saw the hole and attempted to put the stud back in. blsated thing closed up on me already!! i probably could have pushed it through and made it bleed BUT it was early and i was in no mood. i shrugged my shoulders and dropped the stud in the garbage and moved on...excited to see what life would be like with a naked nose! ;)
haaaaaaaaaaa...what a dramatic tale for the loss of a nose ring. and let me tell you, ive enjoyed the last 4 days or whatever without it. maybe ill be taken a lil more seriously? i think nose piercings can be quite classy but the older generation says "its a bunch of metal in your face, trying to look cool"...that being quoted from many many of my older men customers who have reached their 80's and can not comprehend why us kids have metal in our faces. ha, it cracks me up. if i decide to be cool and not go back to school next year and travel to africa with hillary, im totally getting my eyebrow pierced. some friends have objections to that....come on guys
as i stand here munchin on some delicious peanut m&m's, dipped in pink, red, and white colors for the upcoming holiday....im in a lil bit of awe. how does that even make sense..."lil bit of awe". awe seems to be a word that people use to desribe something that shocked them so much they were speechless. something so magnificent that the person stands still and tries to stop time to take in what just happened or what has been revealed to them. how can awe be lil? haha. i guess i say "lil bit of awe" because everytime i get to know God a little deeper, im in awe. one little verse with HUGE meaning and truth stuffed inside of it. we have huge moments where God opens a door for us and we see Him so clearly, and we want to hit ourselves for ever doubting Him. those moments you want to fall to your knees and cry to Him and just repeat "you are awesome, you are holy, you are soo gracious, you are beautiful, you are perfect...Father you are good, you are Love...ect" those are the big moments of awe when God's glory is just too much to even take in.
my lil bits of awe happen like today, when im at work. my day so far has been crap ontop of crap. i skipped class this morning because i woke up feeling as if my heart didn't want to wake up. it was one of those days where my heart didn't want to feel...happiness or sadness. it just wanted to be numb. that has got to be the worst feeling in the whole world, numbness. it almost makes your stomach feel sick because you want to feel something...anything. some personal stuff has gotten stirred up again in my life, and i know that is why my heart retreated to numbness, because ive felt the pain before from this situation and i know how awful it can be. In seeking God, to know Him more, ive also been hoping He would reveal an answer to me for this dark area in my life. But i dont think God is really an "answers" kinda guy. i dont think He is easy. i dont think He is like grandma who gave you cookies and presents when you wanted it. He is like the tough love kinda dad who loves you but wants you to figure it out on your own (He is there watching, and hoping, and guiding...but allows you to take your own path. get it? i dont want you to think that im saying you should try to conquer things without Gods help, thats dumb). and if you make a mistake along the way, He'll be there to give you a hug and let you sit on his lap (my favorite image of being with God...cant wait for the day i get to do this!!!) and if you get through the journey and reach the end, He'll have rewards and love and encouragement waiting. i like that God, no no nooo...i LOVE that God. the one and only God gives us tough love?? what a guy. unfortunately in our hard times, we can fall into our human flesh and lose faith in God. Romans 3 reminded me today that even we lose faith, God doesn't lose faith in us.
Romans 3:3-4 "What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all! Let God be true, and every man a liar. As it is written: "So that you may be proved right when you speak and prevail when you judge." i just love that!!! no matter how stupid i am, and how much i lose faith in God, and how many times i walk away from Him, it doesn't even hinder how faithful He is. this verse just once again proves that it is never about us...instead ALWAYS about Him. i also just love Paul's passion in saying "not at all!" i dont know why, but i feel like i could just see him screaming that, expressing God's incredible faithfulness to all of us...everyone...who believe and dont believe. no matter where you are, God is faithful and doesn't give up. and let us praise and worship Him for that...wow how great is our God.
He is faithful!!!! allllll the time! i kind of want to change my "religious views" on facebook from "God is good, allll the time" to "God is faithful, all the time". rock on, maybe i will.
well this is long enough and im done with work in a hour so i can be done. ive got to make a grocery list so i can go shopping after work! im gettin some deli turkey for sure. ive been craving a good sandwich. and flavored water....definitely!
song of the day-"the real" by nevertheless....or "time" by nevertheless, ooorrrrr "sleeping in" by nevertheless. pretty much my favorite band right now! they are going to be at sonshine this summer! =)
Peace
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Paul Is The Man...Hello Romans!
you know how i described my blog title in my first post? about black heels being a girl's happy place? its so interesting to see how much i have changed AND stayed the same since the very beginning birth of my baby blog. like yeah i still think shoes are one heck of a happy place, oh definitely. i get the DSW email pretty much every day and open it up and just glance at the heels and pumps. soooo beautiful! but i never buy anything, just look. and hope to have a job that requires awesome heels someday. as of now, im content with my black flats that have a lil diamond bow. however, i probably should buy some of those Dr. Schollz insert things to support myself. standing straight for five hours doesn't feel great. you would think i would buy those insert things because they are right in front of my face in the Foot Care Section...haha. wow.
yeah so my happy place has changed. it always does. that is life ya know? you have to keep changing things up to see what gets you, to see what really gets you excited and happy. honestly, i cant even decide right now! if any of you are dedicated readers of my silly blog and know me well, you know that im super impulsive and obsessive. once i like something, i then LOVE it and get it or need it all the time. for example.....oh my.....embarrassing. i have to get double chocolate milano cookies every time i go grocery shopping! i tried them one day and then freaked and now have to get them every single time. ANOTHER EXAMPLE.....haha....frickin french toast bagels! did you know that those existed??? i didnt! not until two weeks ago. i knew there were blueberry, cinnamon/raisin (ick!), plain, and onion but never did i know of the wonderful creation of the fench toast bagel. wow...that morning forever changed me. as you can see, finding new delicious food rocks my world. but okay, seriously now...my new happy place. WAIT...i also get scooby macaroni everytime i grocery shop too! okay back to serious...wow this is going to sound corny and cliche but reading the Bible....is my happy place.
sooo im really into reading these days because i seem to have a lil extra time outside of 15 credits of school and 25 hours of work each week. over christmas break i dug into captivating really wanting to understand what being a woman in God's eyes looked like. i religiously read that book like it was the answer to my life's problems. every single day i brought that to work and brought my journal and went to town! but for some reason it didn't fill anything, i was not feeling satisfied or fulfilled at all. dont get me wrong, that book rocks and it has opened my eyes to see women as the "crown of creation" and its a very uplifting book! on the side, i was reading one chapter of my Bible....a week. i honestly thought that was enough. so i thought to myself, whatevs, im just not feeling completely satisfied right now because that is how it has been for sometime (thats just one issue im working on with God right now....really really being satisfied in Him, and finding Him to be more than enough...its tough!) so i shluffed it off and got packed up and headed back to winona, planning on pursuing the same routine.
mental breakdown! the first week just did not go the way i was hoping at all and i was feeling drained and pissed at myself for choosing to come back this semester. however, i kept my mind focused and tried to go after God each time i felt doubtful and frustrated. and do you know what i read to try and re-focus in the middle of my freak-outs??? frickin captivating! are you kidding?? and i found myself in the biggest rut ever and didn't understand why i felt so distant from God. i actually got to the point where i still had five days left to drop any/all classes without any charge soo i talked to the folks and got ready to break the news that i wanted to come home. coming back was a mistake (do you now see how impulsive i can be....calm down amy) then thankfully God shook some sense into me and blessed me with a great weekend full of laughs, love and complete awesomeness (i adore you haylee, hannah, and jen!!). I know He was present and wanted me here...at least one last semester. so then i got a nice lil bright idea, OPEN THE BIBLE! like i said in my last blog, i finished up Hebrews and was just stunned by the peace i recieved from literally reading His word. what have i been doing??? why haven't i been reading this juicy book every day?? its sooo good!!! I started Romans hence the title of my blog. suuuuper good so far. Paul is like the man. wow! I really like getting to know this dude and what he is all about. He is soo compassionate! the way he describes his longing to visit rome is just awesome.
i do wish i was more informed of how to read the Bible, if that makes sense. i guess ill talk about that later, its a whole enitre other topic i could gab about forever. but it was interesting how in the first Chapter it went from Paul's lovey doveyness towards Rome and then all of a sudden a whole chunk on God's wrath! intense! seriously, take a read. and you will feel it. i love how there are dark parts to the Bible that expose the truth.
one sweet thing that Paul said that stuck out to me was this...Romans 1:20 "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. " just bask in the awesomeness of this verse. i LOVE how Paul said "God's invisible qualities". it just shows his true devotion and that faith is not about seeing but believing. i really had to read that verse over and over again and just smile. Its like almost sarcastic to me...as if Paul is saying "do you reallllly not see God all around you?? you MAY NOT have an excuse, complaining that you don't 'see' God...no...there is no excuse. God's power and love and beauty surround you on a daily basis...He has been constantly showing his invisible qualities since creation!!" Paul rocks.
do you see His invisible qualities? its something to ponder! =)
and im not sitting here saying that you should go read the Bible daily (but it wouldnt hurt...) just because i do. it has taken me around two years in my walk with God to get the desire to read His word. it comes in time! do what you do. baby steps.
well i actually have the day off tomorrow sooo you won't be hearing from me but hopefully soon! man i love blogging! id like to make a shout out to hillary anne bates, she has begun blogging again! welcome back, welcome back.
song of the day-"song of hope" by the robbie seay band....this is my anthem!
Peace
yeah so my happy place has changed. it always does. that is life ya know? you have to keep changing things up to see what gets you, to see what really gets you excited and happy. honestly, i cant even decide right now! if any of you are dedicated readers of my silly blog and know me well, you know that im super impulsive and obsessive. once i like something, i then LOVE it and get it or need it all the time. for example.....oh my.....embarrassing. i have to get double chocolate milano cookies every time i go grocery shopping! i tried them one day and then freaked and now have to get them every single time. ANOTHER EXAMPLE.....haha....frickin french toast bagels! did you know that those existed??? i didnt! not until two weeks ago. i knew there were blueberry, cinnamon/raisin (ick!), plain, and onion but never did i know of the wonderful creation of the fench toast bagel. wow...that morning forever changed me. as you can see, finding new delicious food rocks my world. but okay, seriously now...my new happy place. WAIT...i also get scooby macaroni everytime i grocery shop too! okay back to serious...wow this is going to sound corny and cliche but reading the Bible....is my happy place.
sooo im really into reading these days because i seem to have a lil extra time outside of 15 credits of school and 25 hours of work each week. over christmas break i dug into captivating really wanting to understand what being a woman in God's eyes looked like. i religiously read that book like it was the answer to my life's problems. every single day i brought that to work and brought my journal and went to town! but for some reason it didn't fill anything, i was not feeling satisfied or fulfilled at all. dont get me wrong, that book rocks and it has opened my eyes to see women as the "crown of creation" and its a very uplifting book! on the side, i was reading one chapter of my Bible....a week. i honestly thought that was enough. so i thought to myself, whatevs, im just not feeling completely satisfied right now because that is how it has been for sometime (thats just one issue im working on with God right now....really really being satisfied in Him, and finding Him to be more than enough...its tough!) so i shluffed it off and got packed up and headed back to winona, planning on pursuing the same routine.
mental breakdown! the first week just did not go the way i was hoping at all and i was feeling drained and pissed at myself for choosing to come back this semester. however, i kept my mind focused and tried to go after God each time i felt doubtful and frustrated. and do you know what i read to try and re-focus in the middle of my freak-outs??? frickin captivating! are you kidding?? and i found myself in the biggest rut ever and didn't understand why i felt so distant from God. i actually got to the point where i still had five days left to drop any/all classes without any charge soo i talked to the folks and got ready to break the news that i wanted to come home. coming back was a mistake (do you now see how impulsive i can be....calm down amy) then thankfully God shook some sense into me and blessed me with a great weekend full of laughs, love and complete awesomeness (i adore you haylee, hannah, and jen!!). I know He was present and wanted me here...at least one last semester. so then i got a nice lil bright idea, OPEN THE BIBLE! like i said in my last blog, i finished up Hebrews and was just stunned by the peace i recieved from literally reading His word. what have i been doing??? why haven't i been reading this juicy book every day?? its sooo good!!! I started Romans hence the title of my blog. suuuuper good so far. Paul is like the man. wow! I really like getting to know this dude and what he is all about. He is soo compassionate! the way he describes his longing to visit rome is just awesome.
i do wish i was more informed of how to read the Bible, if that makes sense. i guess ill talk about that later, its a whole enitre other topic i could gab about forever. but it was interesting how in the first Chapter it went from Paul's lovey doveyness towards Rome and then all of a sudden a whole chunk on God's wrath! intense! seriously, take a read. and you will feel it. i love how there are dark parts to the Bible that expose the truth.
one sweet thing that Paul said that stuck out to me was this...Romans 1:20 "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. " just bask in the awesomeness of this verse. i LOVE how Paul said "God's invisible qualities". it just shows his true devotion and that faith is not about seeing but believing. i really had to read that verse over and over again and just smile. Its like almost sarcastic to me...as if Paul is saying "do you reallllly not see God all around you?? you MAY NOT have an excuse, complaining that you don't 'see' God...no...there is no excuse. God's power and love and beauty surround you on a daily basis...He has been constantly showing his invisible qualities since creation!!" Paul rocks.
do you see His invisible qualities? its something to ponder! =)
and im not sitting here saying that you should go read the Bible daily (but it wouldnt hurt...) just because i do. it has taken me around two years in my walk with God to get the desire to read His word. it comes in time! do what you do. baby steps.
well i actually have the day off tomorrow sooo you won't be hearing from me but hopefully soon! man i love blogging! id like to make a shout out to hillary anne bates, she has begun blogging again! welcome back, welcome back.
song of the day-"song of hope" by the robbie seay band....this is my anthem!
Peace
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
First Aid, Foot Care, And Bladder Control
blogging two days in a row means i have waaayyyy tooooo much time. a college kid blogging two days in a row? seriously. yeah....really.
well im most definitely at work. it is my first day. it's not like a normal first day of work where everything is bright and shiny and super exciting where you get to learn new tricks. ha...yeah i wish. i used to be a teller back at associated in hudson and now im a teller at the associated here in winona. you would think that they are the same thing...well let me tell you-there is a HUGE difference!
the hudson associated pretty much rocked my world! it was glorious...two levels!! man just thinking back to when i was at the other bank makes me sooo sad. i wish i could be there more than anything!! there was a lovely lobby, and many offices and a receptionist desk and it felt like it was a legit business that had hope, friendship, beauty, and a frickin future for everyone that worked there! (i just created the most corny picture of that bank...it really was perfect!) it was nestled up against a hill and the scenery from the bank was an outlook over the saint croix river!! we had cookies every friday that were soooo delicious! i was always in drive-through in my safe little haven with gwen and sue and of course brandon. when i wasn't helping customers, i was wrapped up in reading Captivating or eating snacks or TEXTING (im proud to say i have unlimited and sometimes i still feel that i am going to reach a limit...yeah i have a problem). on fridays we were open until 7 frickin pm which is very late for a bank and not one customer would come from like 530 on. sooo brandon and i were super cool and thought of a bright idea! i brought my laptop and we watched House on my macbook until we closed at 7. working friday nights at the bank were actually a treat, haha it was sooo awesome! id watch House and once brandon would get bored of that, he would go watch MTV in the waiting area outside of the drive-through cave. and we'd both munch on cheez-its allllll day. it was simply wonderful.
TRANSITION
im at the new bank...or maybe i should call it my new closet. ahhh i feel like my sisters locked me in a closet again like they used to do when i was little. so first of all, im in a grocery store. a grocery store in winona. i feel like im in napolean dynamite. there are like 6 people shopping here at one time. its dead. and 95% of the customers consist of the oldest couples that have lived in winona since their parents birthed them. there is this old creepy radio station on in the background that makes you feel like time is nonexistant and that jeepers creeper dude is going to fly through the door and kill you. yeahhhhh, i definitely feel like im in the typical small town setting for an awful horror film. great. my life ends in the winona Hyvee grovery store as a teller. i can't wear my northface fleece here....ahhhh my arms are frgid! =) we are placed in the corner of the store right by the pharmacy....i watch these hardcore old pharmacists dink around with pills all day and its funny to think that they are working 5min away from me and their job looks just as miserable as what i am doing...maybe worse...they also are here until 7pm BUT they make ohhh about $80,000 more a year than i do. my view consists of Depends and Poise protective underwear. seriously straight in front of me...then a lil to my left is the Foot Care Section. did you know that there are four different brightly colored fingernail polish removers?? how fabulous! then there is the First Aid Section. so im definitely prepared for someone who is going to pee their pants, or someone who has a killer hang-nail and needs a clipper, or someone who needs a band-aid for a nasty wound. so yeah....this job. not legit. not awesome. OHHH and they are making me take my nose stud out, that was sad sad news. the size of this bank (if you even want to call it that) is about 1/3 of my dorm room. i have been standing in this one spot since ehhhh about 2:30pm. it's 6 now. yeah i pretty much stretch my arms and i can touch the walls on both sides of me.
oh and please do not think im sitting here using this to complain. im not complaining at all, im moreso using this to laugh at myself and my current situation. like im cracking up at how awful this is. and it mostly shocks me that everyone who works here is like totally chill with this. i feel like my facial expressions are screaming...."reaaallllllly...are you being serious????" this really motivates me to finish school and get a good degree and pursue my passions because why work and be miserable when you can work and be happy and glorify God??? yeah so im going to try and just be filled with the love and joy Jesus would have and spread that to all these winonans. they all seem to be bla. now thats not a life worth living to me. bla isn't good enough. bla is crap. i think this upcoming semester is going to take forever and every shift here will feel like days but im excited to see how i grow from it. i feel like God will show me a lot about perseverence and patience through these experiences. and those are two qualities i need to work on.
anyways, so i finished Hebrews yesterday. super good stuff. did you know that God calls us to pray for those in prison?? i mean i am sure it is assumed and we all know God wants us to pray for anyone struggling but i just thought it was interesting that He sraight out said, hey don't forget about them. they need your love too. this verse opened my eyes to the realization that prayer is about 99% of the time focused on the most important thing in my life-MYSELF! i pray that ill have a good day, good week, have good talks, have healthy relationships....i pray for strength, encouragement and the patience to see His will and purpuse for my life...i pray for his protection and wisdom in my life.......and the list goes on. like wow, could i be more selfish? its obviously good to pray about yourself and seek a deep relationship with your heavenly Father, and praying is talking to God and therefore He will reaveal Himself through that BUT man do i need to start praying for the big stuff. we feel like it doesn't matter if we do because the issue/situation/organization is too big. have we forgotten how big God is??? pretty sure He created the entire universe!!!! so it was kinda weird taking His word literally and praying for those in prison but i tried it and i think im going to try and focus more prayer time on the big stuff. like praying for my city that im living in or praying for intervarsity or praying for HUGE things like world hunger and disease. it feels like my itty bitty prayer won't make anything change but i also trust that God is God and that means He is frickin huge and capable of anything. Hebrews 13 was kind of scattered but i good chapter, i recommend it.
okay sweet, finally my shift is coming to a close. 7pm 7pm 7pm! woohoo! then off to intervarsity for some worship and a message. rock on.
song of the day "fairfax" by william tell
Peace
well im most definitely at work. it is my first day. it's not like a normal first day of work where everything is bright and shiny and super exciting where you get to learn new tricks. ha...yeah i wish. i used to be a teller back at associated in hudson and now im a teller at the associated here in winona. you would think that they are the same thing...well let me tell you-there is a HUGE difference!
the hudson associated pretty much rocked my world! it was glorious...two levels!! man just thinking back to when i was at the other bank makes me sooo sad. i wish i could be there more than anything!! there was a lovely lobby, and many offices and a receptionist desk and it felt like it was a legit business that had hope, friendship, beauty, and a frickin future for everyone that worked there! (i just created the most corny picture of that bank...it really was perfect!) it was nestled up against a hill and the scenery from the bank was an outlook over the saint croix river!! we had cookies every friday that were soooo delicious! i was always in drive-through in my safe little haven with gwen and sue and of course brandon. when i wasn't helping customers, i was wrapped up in reading Captivating or eating snacks or TEXTING (im proud to say i have unlimited and sometimes i still feel that i am going to reach a limit...yeah i have a problem). on fridays we were open until 7 frickin pm which is very late for a bank and not one customer would come from like 530 on. sooo brandon and i were super cool and thought of a bright idea! i brought my laptop and we watched House on my macbook until we closed at 7. working friday nights at the bank were actually a treat, haha it was sooo awesome! id watch House and once brandon would get bored of that, he would go watch MTV in the waiting area outside of the drive-through cave. and we'd both munch on cheez-its allllll day. it was simply wonderful.
TRANSITION
im at the new bank...or maybe i should call it my new closet. ahhh i feel like my sisters locked me in a closet again like they used to do when i was little. so first of all, im in a grocery store. a grocery store in winona. i feel like im in napolean dynamite. there are like 6 people shopping here at one time. its dead. and 95% of the customers consist of the oldest couples that have lived in winona since their parents birthed them. there is this old creepy radio station on in the background that makes you feel like time is nonexistant and that jeepers creeper dude is going to fly through the door and kill you. yeahhhhh, i definitely feel like im in the typical small town setting for an awful horror film. great. my life ends in the winona Hyvee grovery store as a teller. i can't wear my northface fleece here....ahhhh my arms are frgid! =) we are placed in the corner of the store right by the pharmacy....i watch these hardcore old pharmacists dink around with pills all day and its funny to think that they are working 5min away from me and their job looks just as miserable as what i am doing...maybe worse...they also are here until 7pm BUT they make ohhh about $80,000 more a year than i do. my view consists of Depends and Poise protective underwear. seriously straight in front of me...then a lil to my left is the Foot Care Section. did you know that there are four different brightly colored fingernail polish removers?? how fabulous! then there is the First Aid Section. so im definitely prepared for someone who is going to pee their pants, or someone who has a killer hang-nail and needs a clipper, or someone who needs a band-aid for a nasty wound. so yeah....this job. not legit. not awesome. OHHH and they are making me take my nose stud out, that was sad sad news. the size of this bank (if you even want to call it that) is about 1/3 of my dorm room. i have been standing in this one spot since ehhhh about 2:30pm. it's 6 now. yeah i pretty much stretch my arms and i can touch the walls on both sides of me.
oh and please do not think im sitting here using this to complain. im not complaining at all, im moreso using this to laugh at myself and my current situation. like im cracking up at how awful this is. and it mostly shocks me that everyone who works here is like totally chill with this. i feel like my facial expressions are screaming...."reaaallllllly...are you being serious????" this really motivates me to finish school and get a good degree and pursue my passions because why work and be miserable when you can work and be happy and glorify God??? yeah so im going to try and just be filled with the love and joy Jesus would have and spread that to all these winonans. they all seem to be bla. now thats not a life worth living to me. bla isn't good enough. bla is crap. i think this upcoming semester is going to take forever and every shift here will feel like days but im excited to see how i grow from it. i feel like God will show me a lot about perseverence and patience through these experiences. and those are two qualities i need to work on.
anyways, so i finished Hebrews yesterday. super good stuff. did you know that God calls us to pray for those in prison?? i mean i am sure it is assumed and we all know God wants us to pray for anyone struggling but i just thought it was interesting that He sraight out said, hey don't forget about them. they need your love too. this verse opened my eyes to the realization that prayer is about 99% of the time focused on the most important thing in my life-MYSELF! i pray that ill have a good day, good week, have good talks, have healthy relationships....i pray for strength, encouragement and the patience to see His will and purpuse for my life...i pray for his protection and wisdom in my life.......and the list goes on. like wow, could i be more selfish? its obviously good to pray about yourself and seek a deep relationship with your heavenly Father, and praying is talking to God and therefore He will reaveal Himself through that BUT man do i need to start praying for the big stuff. we feel like it doesn't matter if we do because the issue/situation/organization is too big. have we forgotten how big God is??? pretty sure He created the entire universe!!!! so it was kinda weird taking His word literally and praying for those in prison but i tried it and i think im going to try and focus more prayer time on the big stuff. like praying for my city that im living in or praying for intervarsity or praying for HUGE things like world hunger and disease. it feels like my itty bitty prayer won't make anything change but i also trust that God is God and that means He is frickin huge and capable of anything. Hebrews 13 was kind of scattered but i good chapter, i recommend it.
okay sweet, finally my shift is coming to a close. 7pm 7pm 7pm! woohoo! then off to intervarsity for some worship and a message. rock on.
song of the day "fairfax" by william tell
Peace
Monday, January 19, 2009
A Reason For The Season
I forgot about my blog! how awful. no that is a lie...i did not forget about it. i just have not cared to write for the past week or so, thats not a fun feeling at all! usually im super weird and think about my blog on a every other day basis and i try to organize my thoughts and like practically write a post in my head and try to save it. woooow, that does not work. there was a bunch of stuff i wanted to talk about around a week ago but i got distracted by this thing we call LIFE, and now im kind of drawing a blank. whatevs, take my boringness in!
ha okay so i have been at school for a week already. SICK! most of you people haven't even started. i feel like all my friends are still on break sleeping in until 2pm and doing nothing. that feels like years ago! its so funny how when you go back to school, after two or three days you already feel like it has been weeeeeks. then you look at your planner and feel dumb. to be honest, i have barely used my planner so far this semester. you guys, that is not good. that means i have all my assignments floating around in my noggin. and when i abandon my planner, i find myself getting to class and then sitting down and looking around at everyone pulling out an assignment that I DID NOT DO because i did not write it down! that has already happened this semester so far. embarrassing. and i don't know what is up with this semester so far, but all my classes seem to be filled with huge burly (sp??) football players that make the room feel soo confined and weird. they all do not speak in class and hide in the back and facebook chat or something (ha i fb chat too.....suuuuper lame). see im used to most of my classes being women women and oh wait some more frickin women! winona has a ratio of 7 girls to 1 guy. yeah that actually happens i guess. thats okay with me. but my classes are just very packed and loud and weird this semester. i have chemistry appreciation (dont ask...all you need to know is that it is as lame as it sounds), physics-energy, approaches to film, conflict and communication, aaannddd intercultural communication. im content. smashin. sweet.
anyways, sorry to babble about school. just getting adjusted. WHICH I HATE. there are goods and bads of being back:
GOOD:
-walking becomes my way of getting anywhere, my car just sits here
-pleasant valley church on sundays
-friends living right next door, above me, and below me
-monday night bowling (when i can go)
-breathe on fridays
-small groups
-i finally have people to watch movies with instead of watching house or greys anatomy by myself every night before bed at home
-meals consist of ridiculous stories and hardcore laughing instead of making a dinky little sandwich at home BY MYSELF
-dance parties and doing the cupid shuffle
-having a whole gym like 5 minutes away to get in rockin shape
-running into someone i know every time i walk to class
-deep talks with people at the most random times about the most random things
BAD:
-smelling like dirty feet after leaving the cafeteria (seriously i changed clothes after eating in the caf...its soooo gross)
-doing my own laundry....very difficult
-staying organized
-constantly checking facebook over 500 times a day to avoid doing homework
-bundling up for negative twenty degree weather then stripping down for class, then bundling up to go back to my room then stripping down. OBNOXIOUS!
-showering with crocks on so i dont get foot disease
yeah so enough about school. who really wants to talk about it. no one. so here is a scoop of my heart right now. and it relates to my title too. so i feel like people need to try and relate their lives to the four seasons of the year. so this is my current situation-i am in school but don't really want to be at this school. i am here but dont feel like i belong here. sooo of course, all i think about is what i am going to do next. what adventure i am going to find or friends ill make or where the heck ill be a year from now. why cant i be content with my current situation and see what comes from just being okay with what is dealt to me right now? we are always ready to keep walking and keep stepping forward which is sweet because we want to run after goals and run after God's heart and seek better things BUT have we ever stopped to look around at what we are walking by? like seriously compare your life to a walk in the park....do you think its best to keep walking really fast with motivation and just look straight and focus 100%...? do you think that keeping that intense pace is the best idea? why not slow down and take a deep breath? do you think that keeping your ipod on at full volume is always needed? its like we put this bubble around us to just avoid ANYTHING that could change our pace, our walk, our plan....our mission. does that walk sound appealing?
i picture this intense lady with her spandex shorts on and a running top. no smile. an ipod on. and this really fast walk that shows shes thinking "i just want to get this done because i have things i want to do later...i just need to get through this" i see her focused cold eyes and shes breaking out in a sweat to get this walk where she needs to be.
did she ever think to look to her right where there was a little girl playing with her new puppy, and how she could have stopped to ask her where she got it from and what the name is? they could have laughed and played together. did she look to her left and see the old couple looking at the river together, holding hands and talking about how beautiful the scenery is. maybe if she would have stopped, they could have enjoyed God's creation together, and she could hear about their love story if she asked. maybe if she would have looked behind her, she could smile and see how far she has come and take a minute to think and pray and reflect and feel some emotion about the path she has traveled. if she would have just STOPPED and looked around-she could have seen the flowers in the park, friends playing frisbee...she could have felt the warm wind on her arms and cheeks...she could have seen and felt GOD.
i guess what i am trying to say is enjoy where you are. stop walking so hard and so fast for a day and LOOK AROUND. don't look forward....but look completely around you and take it in. sit down and seriously take it in. be content with your current situation just as we have to be content with what season we are in right now. IT IS FRICKIN WINTER and sometimes it sucks but no matter how much we want it, spring won't come until march/april. so knock it off and enjoy today. sometimes God puts you through seasons, sometimes even a painful season. he might not rescue you out of it right away, and he might not give you want you want so desperately because he is after something more valuable than your happiness...he is restoring and growing in you an eternal weight of glory =) so just as you must enjoy the four different seasons of a year, enjoy the seasons of your life. looooook around!!!! and smile at your life. you rock.
ha im lame! trying to be all motivational or whatever.
song of the day "colors" by the rocket summer (someone i know is a hater and doesnt care for them, but they pretty much are very cool...so enjoy)
Peace
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Oh Brother
Tuesday eh? strange day of the week. there are never expectations for a tuesday. at this time next week, i will have started class! can i just say that i am not even the slightest bit excited to start school again. i am pretty stoked about going back and allowing God to use me this semester but not excited for my classes. i have a handful of university study classes (the stupid mandatory credits you have to fill) to take so i am taking chemistry and physics and all this nasty stuff. may i remind you that i am a communication studies major. WHAT AM I GOING TO USE CHEMISTRY FOR?? if i go into human resources, and hire people for companies...do you think im going to be talking about the periodic table? highly doubt it! but there is nothing i can do but deal, so i guess i will sit back and enjoy chemisty and steal my roomies notes...muhaha. good plan.
this is my fourth semester of college! hold up, wait a minute....yeah fourth! im already close to half way done =) my possible plan for next year was to not go back to school. school and amy do not mix so well at all. im a busy body that likes a lot of adventure and new experiences. i was considering YWAM or just moving to a different state and starting fresh, maybe getting a nanny job in colorado like my friend hillary (you lucky woman you). I feel stuck in winona, trapped almost. my heart is passionate for the cities and always has been. I've felt a constant tugging to be in the twin cities for quite some time. idk why either. God just impressed it upon my heart. soo yes, starting over somewhere completely random and saying goodbye to school was the plan.
until NOW. new plan.
After hearing about the death of a high school classmate only two days ago (you'll be missed Mike Hoeft) who died instantly in a car accident, i was reminded how life can be gone in seconds. pure beautiful life that has so much promise, hope, and plans-vanishes in a tragedy. it was a lot to take in and i wasn't even good friends with the kid, barely knew him. for me, this news was a mini wake up call saying "amy...what are you waiting for...why do you sit around and wait for opportunities to fall into your lap...why do you wait for people...why do you wait for love...why do you wait to make life changing decisions...why are sitting on this couch simply THINKING about transfering...why are you only THINKING about getting involved in a city ministry...why are you only THINKING about starting your own ministy???? why aren't you conquering the world??" i wanted to seriously punch myself in the head. ever since i've been at winona, i've been complaining and wanting to get out and do big things for God's kingdom. but have i done anything? no. i haven't even taken the step of applying at another college. all i did was think about it and talk about it. no action.
i feel as though many christians struggle with taking action. i could be wrong, its just my opinion. we feel God touching our hearts and whispering in our ears and pushing us one way but we shy away and kind of stand still. we become almost lukewarm and content with our situation. we are afraid to let God use us in awesome ways. for me, its like i stay in this inbetween place where i am devoted to God and love Him and believe in him and TRY to live for Him but i won't allow myself to take HUGE steps and go into places i don't know and trust that He will lead me to greatness. is this really true devotion then? have i really handed over my life to God? well its time for action.
NEW plan.
rather than just dropping out and trying something random next year, i will continue silly schooling. that decision was based off the fact that our economy is like the saddest excuse for an economy right now and jobs will start disapperaing like crazy and im going to need a four year degree to fall back on for a sweet career. HOWEVER, rather than continuing my education at winona, i really want to pursue an education somewhere in the cities. God has been calling me there for sometime now and I've been avoiding it because it involves a brand new school with no one i know and new friends and well new everything. but im ready....i think. so instead of just THINKING about doing this, i am doing it. im taking action. im in the process of filling out applications to both Bethel University and the U of M. I really want to go to Bethel for numerous reasons (hellooooo-christian campus, amazing opportunites for mission work and studying abroad with fellow crhistians....AMAZING!) but money is a huge issue with that school. If God wants me there though, it will work out. and i would love to be living in the roseville/st. paul area for Bethel because it would allow me to get involved in some awesome ministries/churches in the cities. I've heard great things about the Rock in minneapolis =)
no words can express how terrified i am, like i could pee my pants! but i also feel as though God will use me in amazing ways and my tiny brain can't imagine what he has in store for me there. ahhhhhhhhhh, i just got all excited in my stomach and i want to run around in circles!! im seriously so ready for this. and honestly people, if you are passionate about something and you can't stop thinking about it and your heart feels like it belongs to something other than where you are....THAT IS NOT JUST YOUR BRAIN OR EMOTIONS TOYING WITH YOU. guys, that is God speaking to you. drop what you are doing and stop being afraid to really follow him. what could go wrong if you decided today to just stop the routine life you live that is so blaaa (you know it is...you haven't felt passion in sometime...) and really take action in His kingdom? im pretty sure he will open your life up to great opportunities. pretty sure =) so yay to a new plan-that has promise and hope.
this means only ONE semester left at winonnnaaaaaa!! *tear* i can't talk about that in this post, i'll cry! haha. save that for later!!
anyways, tomorrow marks the anniversary of my Big Bro's death. I never met the kid, i have not a clue what he would have been like, but i wish i would have gotten that chance. Unfortunately, he died as a baby. then my parents had jana, jill, then me. so he would have been the oldest. his 27th birthday is tomorrow. i don't think my sisters ever think about him, which isn't wrong, why would they think about him? im sure my mom and dad do, considering it was their only son. for some reason, i think about matthew a lot. i've been praying to God about it, trying to figure out why the heck matthew has been on my mind and heart so much. one night, God revealed himself to me and was like "well talk to him, he is your brother, he wants to protect you". im sure you people think i am crazzzzzzzy! i think its weird too. but i feel like matthew is the missing link in my family. both my older sisters are more shy and just to themselves. then there is me, frickin loud mouth, who has an opinion for absolutely everything, loves getting the last word, and pretty much socializes with anything human, and wants to be surrounded by people and fun and laughter all the time! maybe i made this up in my head, but i feel like matthew would have been just like me =) oh brother! my parents would have loved that! haha. another opinionated kid! who is strong in his beliefs, thinks his own way, and just loves people and sharing his ideas. i feel like we would have been really close, and he could have helped me with so much-especially stuff that im going through now. i would have loved to have an older brother, what a joy that would have been! but God decided that matthew needed to go home 27 years ago, so when i talk to God at night, i feel as though I am talking to both of them. side by side. my two protectors. My dad isn't so great at that, so I've got two others to turn to, and im okay with that. so matthew, im sending up kisses to heaven! anticpating the day i get to meet you.
i leave in two days to go back to winona!!! ahh! i am going to an intervarsity conference for the weekend (oh my, so stoked! God is going to rock my life!) then school on monday. yikes.
song of the day "just you and me" by MYSELF (lyrics) and instrumental by haylee fosterling. I wrote a song about a month ago just to express my feelings about a past break-up. The lyrics paint a picture of how i always put him first and turned to him for everything instead of God and how its now just God and me. it seems bitter almost, that im not enjoying life with just God...and to be honest, i wasn't too thrilled in the beginning. but now i love that its God and me, we make a pretty good team =) haha. my bestie haylee is probably the best piano player ever and she made music for the lyrics. check it out on facebook! im tagged in it even though im not literally in it. so just check out the video on my fb! thanks!
Peace
this is my fourth semester of college! hold up, wait a minute....yeah fourth! im already close to half way done =) my possible plan for next year was to not go back to school. school and amy do not mix so well at all. im a busy body that likes a lot of adventure and new experiences. i was considering YWAM or just moving to a different state and starting fresh, maybe getting a nanny job in colorado like my friend hillary (you lucky woman you). I feel stuck in winona, trapped almost. my heart is passionate for the cities and always has been. I've felt a constant tugging to be in the twin cities for quite some time. idk why either. God just impressed it upon my heart. soo yes, starting over somewhere completely random and saying goodbye to school was the plan.
until NOW. new plan.
After hearing about the death of a high school classmate only two days ago (you'll be missed Mike Hoeft) who died instantly in a car accident, i was reminded how life can be gone in seconds. pure beautiful life that has so much promise, hope, and plans-vanishes in a tragedy. it was a lot to take in and i wasn't even good friends with the kid, barely knew him. for me, this news was a mini wake up call saying "amy...what are you waiting for...why do you sit around and wait for opportunities to fall into your lap...why do you wait for people...why do you wait for love...why do you wait to make life changing decisions...why are sitting on this couch simply THINKING about transfering...why are you only THINKING about getting involved in a city ministry...why are you only THINKING about starting your own ministy???? why aren't you conquering the world??" i wanted to seriously punch myself in the head. ever since i've been at winona, i've been complaining and wanting to get out and do big things for God's kingdom. but have i done anything? no. i haven't even taken the step of applying at another college. all i did was think about it and talk about it. no action.
i feel as though many christians struggle with taking action. i could be wrong, its just my opinion. we feel God touching our hearts and whispering in our ears and pushing us one way but we shy away and kind of stand still. we become almost lukewarm and content with our situation. we are afraid to let God use us in awesome ways. for me, its like i stay in this inbetween place where i am devoted to God and love Him and believe in him and TRY to live for Him but i won't allow myself to take HUGE steps and go into places i don't know and trust that He will lead me to greatness. is this really true devotion then? have i really handed over my life to God? well its time for action.
NEW plan.
rather than just dropping out and trying something random next year, i will continue silly schooling. that decision was based off the fact that our economy is like the saddest excuse for an economy right now and jobs will start disapperaing like crazy and im going to need a four year degree to fall back on for a sweet career. HOWEVER, rather than continuing my education at winona, i really want to pursue an education somewhere in the cities. God has been calling me there for sometime now and I've been avoiding it because it involves a brand new school with no one i know and new friends and well new everything. but im ready....i think. so instead of just THINKING about doing this, i am doing it. im taking action. im in the process of filling out applications to both Bethel University and the U of M. I really want to go to Bethel for numerous reasons (hellooooo-christian campus, amazing opportunites for mission work and studying abroad with fellow crhistians....AMAZING!) but money is a huge issue with that school. If God wants me there though, it will work out. and i would love to be living in the roseville/st. paul area for Bethel because it would allow me to get involved in some awesome ministries/churches in the cities. I've heard great things about the Rock in minneapolis =)
no words can express how terrified i am, like i could pee my pants! but i also feel as though God will use me in amazing ways and my tiny brain can't imagine what he has in store for me there. ahhhhhhhhhh, i just got all excited in my stomach and i want to run around in circles!! im seriously so ready for this. and honestly people, if you are passionate about something and you can't stop thinking about it and your heart feels like it belongs to something other than where you are....THAT IS NOT JUST YOUR BRAIN OR EMOTIONS TOYING WITH YOU. guys, that is God speaking to you. drop what you are doing and stop being afraid to really follow him. what could go wrong if you decided today to just stop the routine life you live that is so blaaa (you know it is...you haven't felt passion in sometime...) and really take action in His kingdom? im pretty sure he will open your life up to great opportunities. pretty sure =) so yay to a new plan-that has promise and hope.
this means only ONE semester left at winonnnaaaaaa!! *tear* i can't talk about that in this post, i'll cry! haha. save that for later!!
anyways, tomorrow marks the anniversary of my Big Bro's death. I never met the kid, i have not a clue what he would have been like, but i wish i would have gotten that chance. Unfortunately, he died as a baby. then my parents had jana, jill, then me. so he would have been the oldest. his 27th birthday is tomorrow. i don't think my sisters ever think about him, which isn't wrong, why would they think about him? im sure my mom and dad do, considering it was their only son. for some reason, i think about matthew a lot. i've been praying to God about it, trying to figure out why the heck matthew has been on my mind and heart so much. one night, God revealed himself to me and was like "well talk to him, he is your brother, he wants to protect you". im sure you people think i am crazzzzzzzy! i think its weird too. but i feel like matthew is the missing link in my family. both my older sisters are more shy and just to themselves. then there is me, frickin loud mouth, who has an opinion for absolutely everything, loves getting the last word, and pretty much socializes with anything human, and wants to be surrounded by people and fun and laughter all the time! maybe i made this up in my head, but i feel like matthew would have been just like me =) oh brother! my parents would have loved that! haha. another opinionated kid! who is strong in his beliefs, thinks his own way, and just loves people and sharing his ideas. i feel like we would have been really close, and he could have helped me with so much-especially stuff that im going through now. i would have loved to have an older brother, what a joy that would have been! but God decided that matthew needed to go home 27 years ago, so when i talk to God at night, i feel as though I am talking to both of them. side by side. my two protectors. My dad isn't so great at that, so I've got two others to turn to, and im okay with that. so matthew, im sending up kisses to heaven! anticpating the day i get to meet you.
i leave in two days to go back to winona!!! ahh! i am going to an intervarsity conference for the weekend (oh my, so stoked! God is going to rock my life!) then school on monday. yikes.
song of the day "just you and me" by MYSELF (lyrics) and instrumental by haylee fosterling. I wrote a song about a month ago just to express my feelings about a past break-up. The lyrics paint a picture of how i always put him first and turned to him for everything instead of God and how its now just God and me. it seems bitter almost, that im not enjoying life with just God...and to be honest, i wasn't too thrilled in the beginning. but now i love that its God and me, we make a pretty good team =) haha. my bestie haylee is probably the best piano player ever and she made music for the lyrics. check it out on facebook! im tagged in it even though im not literally in it. so just check out the video on my fb! thanks!
Peace
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