I really do wish christmas was on my mind more and that i was focusing on the upcoming holiday. instead, my mind has been swamped with other things. i want so badly to be thinking about christmas cookies, and the holidazzle (sp??), playing in the snow, sipping coffee by the fireside with a Jodi Picoult book, listening to christmas carols!! but NO, this whole last week there has been a dark cloud over me and my heart. no one wants to be the depressed one around christmas time so i decided to slap a smile on and just deal. its pretty awesome to know that God doesn't want me to suffer alone and he had people left and right asking me if i was okay or needed to talk. i thought i was hiding it all so well, haha i guess not!
I guess i am sharing all of this with you guys because i want to be able to help anyone else who could be suffering. God has really taught me to be vulnerable like his son was when he died on the cross for all our sins. in my whole life, i have never understood suffering and as christians why were endure such intense hardships that can be so painful sometimes. i learned that we have to share in our savior's sufferings to share in his glory. THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!! ahh im just so happy that that was revealed to me. i hope it makes sense to all of you too =)
when this semester started is when my suffering started as well. this semester has been rooouugghhh! i wanted to seek wisdom and guidance and understand as much as possible so i of course got into his word right away. can i just really encourage you guys to get into his word if you are lost or hurting. there are answers in there, i promise. to be dead honest, i never really read the bible my whole life until this semester and now i can't get enough. once you start, you become hooked because he will make any passage you read relate to your current problems. He really is just that powerful. rock the freak on. on the side, i wanted to read some books for inspiration and specific guidance in certain areas of my life that really frustrated me.
book #1....Sex God by Rob Bell, which is about exploring the endless connections between sexuality and spirituality. it really helps us understand relationships, and emotions under Gods light. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING BOOK. i highly recommend this to anyone! if any of you have seen the Nooma videos of Rob Bell on youtube.com, you are in for such a treat if you read his book.
book #2....I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, which is a book about desiring relationships that honor God. in a sense, it isn't even about dating-its about living for God. The book throws the worlds idea of dating out the window and sets up new standards for christians and how we should pursue relationships. again, AMAZING BOOK!! if you're sick of heartbreak and want to understand how God created relationships to be, read read read this book!!
anyways, i read the chapter "she ran into the girls bathroom" in the Sex God book early this morning. i want to share what i read and how encouraged i am!!
if any of you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God Feels
if any of you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God Feels
if any of you have ever given yourself to someone and they responded, they reciprocated with love of their own, you know how God Feels
The cross is God's way of saying, "I know what it's like"
the cross is where we present our wounds to God and say, "Here, you take them"
our healing begins when we participate in the suffering of God. when we dont avoid it but enter into it, and in the process enter into the life of God. when we see our pain not as separating us from but connecting us to our maker.
and in this connection, there's always the chance we'll find a reason to risk again. if God can continue to risk, then maybe we can too.
perhaps you have had your heart broken by somebody. you risked and extended and offered yourself, and they rejected and turned away and didnt return your love.
theres something divine in your suffering. somebody divine in your pain. you know how God Feels.
why is it those we love the most are the ones capable of hurting us the most? our greatest wounds rarely come from strangers. they probably come from an ex-boyfriend, a former friend, a roommate, a sister...ect
the danger is that you will decide it isnt worth it. why risk if its going to hurt like this? the tragedy would be for you to shut down, to allow a wall to be built around your heart, and for something within you to die.
a decision not to risk again is a decision not to love again. they go together.
in matters of love, its as if God has agreed to play by the same rules we do. God can do anything-thats what makes God, God. but God cant do everything. God cant make us love him-thats our choice.
Love is risky for God too.
wow well this is the longest blog in the history of blogs! but i wanted to share a piece of the book Sex God with all of you wonderful people. i have really been seeing heartbreak around me and many young adults, girls and guys, are hurting because of broken hearts. let us be reminded that there is hope and that our wonderful Father, God, empathizes with our pain and knows how scary it is to risk, and love again. you can always love again! you can =) i really hope this touched some hurting hearts because i know reading this gave me such encouragement. healing feels goooooood!
peace
song of the day-"decode" by paramore.......it was on the movie twilight!
2 comments:
Amy, Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I WILL be purchasing both of those books in my near future, I think.
:)
You might enjoy my blog where I critique Harris's "kissing dating goodbye" book.
www.ikdg.wordpress.com
"I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Wisdom or Foolishness?"
Hope this helps.
Steve
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