it seems that so much time has passed since ive written that i would have HUGE news by now. i wish i could say my sister is finally preggo!! nope. her husband decided he doesnt want a december baby so no trying for awhile. haha they are so silly. i wish i could say that i have some awesome job lined up for the summer!! nope. no idea. the bank again maybe? i hope so because i make good money but i want some adventure and i want to be outdoors this summer, maybe even working with the youth at teens for christ =) the whole job situation is up in the air...great economy we have. LOVE it. ive heard rumors that Aldi grocery store pays their cashiers $12 a hour!!!!! now if you are reading this and live in hudson, please dont be a meany and steal this job from me! heehee. im going to go check it out this weekend and see what they got going on. how boring though, seriously. let me scan fruit and bags of fritos all day. sweet. i also wish i could say i knew where the heck i was going to live starting in august of 2009...
wait...maybe you don't know the news. do you know the news? well let me tell you =) I am proud to announce that i was accepted into the Universtiy of Minnesota, Twin Cities for fall 2009. I found this out about a month ago but i havent blogged since then so the news seems to be quite dry and old now. almost annoying. doesnt it always work that way though? whenever you find out amazing, exciting news you are bouncing off the walls for a good eight hours telling everyone in sight. then reality sinks in and you forget that with great new opportunities comes hard work and a scary transition. getting a new job or promotion is crazy exciting but then you realize you have to work with new people in a new place and be challenged beyond your knowledge. whenever my sister does find out shes having a baby, everyone will be freaking out and soo happy! but then she will realize shes bringing another life into this world which is scary. and for nine months shes probably going to get really uncomfortable and be in a lot of pain. thats life though isnt it? full of mystery and risk and of course even the best thing is not perfect.
can i be honest here? for some reason i am not into writing my thoughts in my paper journal lately which i usually do daily. i feel really constricted writing lately. its AWFUL. im totally avoiding my journal, whenever i see it i get this surge of guilt and im like ahhhhhhhh. does my journal even have feelings??? noooo!! haha! i feel like it hates me and is wondering why i havent shared my thoughts. it probably even has dust on it. AND as you can tell, ive avoided writing in my blog too which i love to do regularly. i know that disciplining myself to write these posts is really good for me. i hate routines because i suck at committing. i love commitment in any type of personal relationship, but commitments to things that push me...like a diet or running schedule or early morning quiet times or flossing my teeth or praying every night...ROUGH! whenever im pushed or challenged, i tend to back out. maybe not right away but eventually. keeping this blog going is good because i want to continue practicing writing for my communication studies major. because one day i really do hope to write a book (ha im embarrassed to admit this beacuase im not much of a dreamer...im realistic. but i really do want to write a book!!!!) and how am i going to get better at writing? duuhhh, writing to all you wonderful people through my bloggidy blog.
and i also know its good for me to vent in my blog. people constantly comment on how they appreciate my honesty in my posts so ill keep it coming =) i keep a lot bottled in lately and im going through one of those phases where i feel like literallly not one person knows everything that is going on in my heart and head and daily life. one of those times where im feeling "lost in a sea of faces". which is probably my fault because i distance myself from people when i know im leaving or not going to see them anymore because i dont want the pain to kill me when i say goodbye. i want to avoid getting any closer to winona and all my brothers and sisters through intervarsity because its going to make me want to stay and not make the big transition to minneapolis. this, my friends, is not okay. its an intense protection mechanism ive developed over the years, especially from a broken heart from the past bf. im terrified of getting super close to people. if i keep a distance i cant get close enough to feel the pain of losing them. make sense? ive definitely overcome that this year A LOT. but this lil protection of mine came creeping back with this transferring situation. who wouldnt protect their heart? who wants to hurt? yeah.
overall though, i am stoked. terrified but thrilled!! you know whats funny, i have always thought about going to the U of M but never thought it was a possibility. i wrote a blog way back about how i didnt know if i should pursue an education at Bethel or the U. i got feedback from many people saying that Bethel isnt the place to go. so on a whim i applied at the U. and two months later i received a lovely voicemail congratulating me on my admittance =) =) =) im so not even close to ready in any way to go there. mentally, emotionall, spiritually, physically (you have to walk like 30min to get to class!!!!! aahhh!) but i have time and the Lord is faithful and my relationship is so strong with Him right now and i know im honoring his plan and will by taking this large leap. plans are to live with three amazing girl friends in a house or appartment in dinkytown. my own place, wooohooo! no more dorm! the thing i am most excited for is getting involved at a church called The Rock. its about time i get to be apart of a real church!!! ive never had that! i was raised lutheran, going to a WELS lutheran church lacking everything i needed: an authentic relationship with my heavenly father, community, passion, fellowship, desire, accountability, relative topics, contemporary music...a real body of christ devoted to serving and following and sharing the good news! The Rock seems to have all this and more, and its made up of mostly college students and young couples. ive been involved in intervarsity here at winona the past two years and my faith has grown substantially but its time i take another step and become part of something even more real and more deep. its nice because the service is on fridays night which will help with the transition from winona because our college minsitry here through pleasant valley church does worship on friday nights which is called Breathe. I always knew what i was doing friday nights here, going to Breathe to sing my heart out for three hours! once i get to the U, i again will have my friday nights spent with my savior =)
i have this huge topic i want to touch on and its been consuming me lately! thoughts about romantic relationships and men and women and how its all supposed to work. love languages and who real women of God are and real men of God are. im now reading Wild at Heart and its soo interesting and id like to say a few things, so next post...be prepared! i bet it will spark intense conversations/discussions/arguments...and im excited haha
my lovely friend kendal introduced me to Cory Asbury (not in person) and i am in love with his CD!!! he is one of the main worship leaders at IHOP(International House of Prayer) and im telling you...his stuff is good! not a lot is on itunes yet but if you would like to meet me on aim for a little date, i can send them to you!!
songs of the day- "closer", "where i belong", "holy", "you are my hope" all by cory asbury
Peace
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